6 Technology Boundaries I’m Implementing in 2021

I’ve always struggled with setting technology boundaries, specifically with social media.

As someone who has blogged on and off for the past decade, and especially as a rather isolated, stay-at-home mom, it became entirely too easy to turn to my phone for stimulation and relational needs. This didn’t really become a problem- or rather, I didn’t recognize it as one- until a couple years ago. Once my children were walking, talking, and looking to me for validating responses, it struck a chord within my heart that I had a problem.

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Let’s just call a lack of boundaries with technology what is is: an addiction.

You see, before we had kids, my husband and I both worked, and I also went to school. Our days were generally packed to the brim, so we’d often plop ourselves on the couch bingeing Netflix most nights. Those days were “good”; I didn’t feel guilty for zoning out in front of the big screen with my little screen between us. After all, I felt I’d earned it. So no need for technology boundaries, right?

Then when our kids were born, only two years apart, I justified spending time on my phone during late night cluster feedings and multiple kids’ naps. But as the kids started to grow, communicate and interact with us more, I became increasingly aware of our tendency to resort to screens in the evenings and on weekends. And subsequently, of my kids’ increased exposure to them. After all, we had used screens as a means of relaxation for years. So why was I suddenly so bothered by the hours we spent using them next to our kids?

It wasn’t until I read The Tech Wise Family several years ago that it all came together. I needed to set technology boundaries with my phone and with the TV. Now, the latter I could give up rather easily.. but the former? I found myself face-to-face with Instagram while my children tugged at my shirt far more often than I’d like to admit. And when I started questioning why I couldn’t give it up, the answer only made me feel worse: because I craved escape.

Yes, escape. 

From the mundane tasks of everyday homemaking and motherhood. 

From the tantrums, the bickering, stepping on legos and cleaning them up for the 100th time, planning budgets and cooking meals, the monotony of everyday chores and routines and things that did not come naturally to me nor bring me joy. 

And so I turned to my phone.

I turned to social media, where I felt “seen” from behind airbrushed filters and perfectly edited photos… only to scroll across 10 other posts that subsequently had me questioning my worth as a woman, wife, and mother.

It was a struggle that I felt to the core of my soul… one that I kept losing, day in and day out. I cried about it, prayed about it (although not as much as I should have), repented, fell back into it, and the cycle continued. I was too weak to win this fight on my own. All I knew was that I didn’t want my kids to look back on memories of their mom with her phone in her hand.

Finally, the Holy Spirit revealed to me what I needed to do: I had to set very clear technology boundaries, but I couldn’t do that until I started prioritizing my own spiritual, mental, and physical health. What I mean by that is I literally could not continue coasting by on 6 hours of sleep, eating late at night, neglecting my time in the Word and in prayer, and expect to resist the need to “escape” during the long weekdays.

I couldn’t continue neglecting my own well-being while also expecting my craving for stimulation to disappear. And I couldn’t prioritize my well-being while letting technology interfere with intentional time with the Lord, my husband, and my kids every day.

So I set into place six clear boundaries with technology for 2021:

NO PHONE USE IN THE MORNING

I used to reach for Instagram before I even cracked my Bible. I’m embarrassed to admit that now. Starting each day off right is crucial for our mental well-being. Whatever we fill our minds with when we wake up in the morning sets the tone for the day ahead. I don’t get to my Bible first thing every single morning, because sometimes my kids are up earlier than usual or it’s just a hectic start to the day, but I aim to have it be the first thing I fill my mind with. Social media, the news, and emails should have no place in my mind before Jesus does. 

 

DESIGNATE TIMES FOR PHONE + LAPTOP USE

I used to stress a lot about this one. It usually resulted in my using my phone constantly throughout the day. I am a stay-at-home mom of an active five year old and equally active three year old with little to no outside help. But I also educate on essential oils and blog on the side, so using my phone and laptop is necessary. I decided to devote a chunk of time specifically for phone and social media use. This usually occurs during the boys’ quiet time or around lunchtime. Once the work block is over, the phone gets put away (except for necessary phone calls). My laptop doesn’t come out until the evening after everyone is in bed, which is when I write for an hour or so.

 

NO SCREEN TIME ONE HOUR BEFORE BED

This one is tough. I used to get lost in the Instagram scrolling and before I knew it, it was past midnight. I’m the type of person that needs a solid 8 hours of sleep to function properly, so it wasn’t ideal. Blue light isn’t easy on the eyes, and social media doesn’t help the brain decompress at all. So I swapped out the evening scroll for a hot cup of tea and a good book. 

 

TURN OFF APP NOTIFICATIONS

Seems simple, right? I had already done this for Facebook a long time ago and ended up using it less since I didn’t constantly have notifications popping up. I did the same for Instagram, and now my eyes aren’t constantly looking for red numbers around it.

 

NO TV DURING THE WEEK

Yes, that means no more Netflix binges after stressful days at “work.” At first, we struggled with this. Remember, for years our routine involved plopping down on the couch to watch a show and drink some wine. We also realized that living that way made us lazy parents. We decided that foregoing evening TV during the week in favor of being present with our kids before bed is much more fulfilling. Our kids do watch a small amount of screen time during the day, usually when I’m doing something important and can’t be interrupted. But we have scaled back drastically on the things they can watch, and try to encourage free play when possible.

 

NO SCREENS AT THE DINNER TABLE

This should be a rule in every household, in my opinion. Of course, there are still days we do and will fail. Imperfect humanity is inevitable. But neither my husband nor I grew up in homes that prioritized intentional time for family meals and togetherness. Although we didn’t have cell phones back then, we did have TVs that made for enough distraction. Engaging with each other over a good meal is so much more important than distracting ourselves with technology. 

By setting technology boundaries, you learn to cherish intentional moments with your loved ones rather than pouring into an empty screen.

With love & grace,
Natalie